tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-296859362011-07-07T21:45:22.433-07:00belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comBlogger1051100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-18546320000614890072010-08-11T22:33:00.001-07:002010-08-11T22:33:20.105-07:00

It's been a while since I felt the need to write, lately I have felt that whatever I am feeling and living right now is too personal and private to write about. It feels strange to say that since when it comes to my feelings I'm an open book. Everything that is happening in my family life and my so-called love life have me thinking that men are truly awful and somewhat worthless….and basically

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-60131234429826099372010-05-24T18:28:00.001-07:002010-05-24T18:28:41.223-07:00

I've been having a bit of a writer's block lately since I feel like I should write about something but what that something is I don't know. I have asked for suggestions and to be honest I got some good ones….but sadly I wasn't inspired by them. Besides not knowing what to write I'm not sure how to feel.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-78772214899866150542010-05-06T12:08:00.001-07:002010-05-06T12:08:28.724-07:00

Okay so my birthday is coming up and to be honest I'm dreading it. Why? Well, I've been thinking about how time flies since I am the youngest one in the family and I was youngest one in the group of friends that we (my brothers and I) grew up with and I'm turning 20 + ? tomorrow…well point being is that I feel old. I know I am not old but I can't help feeling old and as if life is passing me

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-27674386696140145312010-05-05T22:27:00.001-07:002010-05-05T22:27:55.780-07:00

I've been trying to write about my emotional state tonight and I can't seem to. I start writing but I feel like I'm not expressing myself the way I want to so I delete it….So I'm back to square one….trying to figure out how to put down in words how I feel.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-90186769898850824342010-04-30T14:20:00.001-07:002010-04-30T18:42:16.409-07:00

I usually try to be bubbly but lately I have been feeling bubble-less and a desire to keep my emotions under control. Well not just my emotions but everything around me and it's a bit troubling….if I do say so. Oh I miss my bubble and my bubbly-ness...On another note today I slipped; I wanted something I shouldn't want and I wrote something that I regret so much because it just makes me feel

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-40539549633076315572010-04-22T01:56:00.001-07:002010-04-22T02:06:30.020-07:00

A pleasant surprise is in store for you.Right now the only pleasant surprise that I would love to receive is a new sex toy to add to my collection….Or English editions of Roque Dalton's and/or Otto René Castillo's books. Okay I know the things that I want have nothing to do with each other but they do have everything to do with who I am; my love of pleasure and my love of knowledge. My love of

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-86933292420973469572010-04-20T16:31:00.000-07:002010-04-22T00:32:35.089-07:00

I had a curiosity killed the mood moment today. I wish my brain had a censor when it comes to my curiosity. Sometimes I ask questions knowing that they will remain unanswered.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-71746001759765064652010-04-15T22:07:00.000-07:002010-04-22T02:02:15.978-07:00

Last night one of my friends posted the following as her status:Theres somebody for everyone, this I know. I've seen the most amazing things from love before. Can't wait 'til I experience that little piece of my own someone. You know that's all I ever wanted. I'm gonna be all that you wanted I bet money on it. I wanna be part of the crowd, I want a love that's gonna make me proud.... I think it's

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-85795077716283206112010-04-12T02:17:00.000-07:002010-04-12T03:01:45.330-07:00

I've been hesitant on posting this…why? Because I don't want to admit this to anyone even to myself...I can picture myself married...well, someday that is… how truly awful... I am a normal girl after all...Most of my life I’ve seen myself as the anti-marriage girl…I’ve never understood why would someone or anyone would want to get married and makes it such an important milestone in life in

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-10798299962459844002010-04-11T23:52:00.001-07:002010-05-26T13:12:23.146-07:00

Although I don't believe in horoscopes or in fortune cookies I think they are fun to read…so today's fortune cookie was…The one you love is closer than you think.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-42761133222018527652010-04-11T01:44:00.000-07:002010-04-11T18:45:59.958-07:00

I just had an OMG moment. … Now that's what I call sexy…oh to be such a tease would be wonderful...

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-10221162176303494352010-04-06T01:02:00.001-07:002010-04-06T01:32:27.354-07:00

Okay it shouldn't come as a surprise that I am full of contradictions… And to stay true to my complex, strange, and at times perplexing nature I found myself singing songs from Marry Poppins while baking cookies…and I was baking while I was watching Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers(its part of my horror fest)…a bit creepy...even for my standards...It's only creepy because its not

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-66116035044102606722010-04-04T05:13:00.000-07:002010-04-04T16:04:25.531-07:00

Lately I have been watching a lot more horror movies. Yes I have a fascination for the obscure and I just love horror movies. Well my love of horror movies doesn't have to do with blood and gore although, those factors are great, my fascination with horror movies has to do more with the human mind…the complexity of the human condition is truly marvelous… Last night I finally got to see the

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-51890725598520293252010-04-04T04:58:00.001-07:002010-05-26T13:15:50.965-07:00

I think I have sunken to a new low. I feel like a total loser. Okay maybe not a loser but definitely a little lame. I know very well that I am not but that doesn't take the feeling of being lame away. What has me feeling that way? The answer is simple, the lovely virtual world of social networking. Why? Well a few days ago I realized that my crush has a facebook account and I find myself

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-40723252764674749622010-03-28T12:06:00.000-07:002010-04-07T20:51:45.255-07:00

Okay after some sleep and coffee I started thinking that maybe I over reacted this morning. So the music wasn't bad, really, it was very danceable…well it was the kind of music you can shake your ass to. I think it wouldn't have been as bad if the party would have been in a salsa club or jazz club or even a lounge…I could have dealt better or been more at ease but being shoved and pushed every

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-55961593653108733182010-03-28T03:19:00.001-07:002010-04-07T20:46:54.037-07:00

Last night I was feeling so lonely that I wanted to cry because I didn't realized how truly lonely, disconnected, and isolated I have become. So when my brother asked me if I wanted to go to our friend's birthday party at a club I said, sure why not. Another reason why I said I would go is because I have been feeling like I need a drink or better said I imagine that I have been feeling like

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-87833064501481093202010-03-26T21:16:00.001-07:002010-03-27T16:43:38.297-07:00

Today was a bad day. My eldest brother keeps pointing out things that have to be done around the house but he just sits there and does nothing…well that's not true…he just makes a bigger mess of things. So I'm left to clean up the mess and feeling like I have slipped into a time warp and landed in a time where women have neither value nor rights. My frustration with my dad and my brothers

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-69026658268393730792010-03-24T23:35:00.001-07:002010-03-26T01:37:04.601-07:00

It would seem that I'm a master at making people…well guys…disappear…. I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing but it still hurts to realize that the guys that have said that they loved me and even felt lucky that they knew me…seem to run as fast as possible from me and then want nothing to do with me….something like… Or maybe even like… Me being the creature from the black lagoon…So I'm

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-7156739161670737812010-03-22T13:12:00.001-07:002010-04-10T00:14:59.003-07:00

I've noticed that when it's that time of month I tend to get emotional and like to reminisce about the past. I find myself crying and longing to feel loved. And on top of that I find myself longing to talk to the engineer.On another note: I have been playing the part of a house wife and part of me finds it a bit disturbing since I kind of like it. I would have never imagined saying something

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-23082692510205290212010-03-07T01:16:00.000-08:002010-03-22T13:17:03.145-07:00

Lately I have been feeling emotionally numb since I haven’t been sad or happy about anything at all. To a degree I feel like I have been sleep walking through life lately and last night was like a pinch that made me wake up. Today I can say that I am disgusted by the male species. I have no idea how and why it has become acceptable how men behave nowadays….its utterly disgusting.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-84993035006890473372010-01-27T23:14:00.001-08:002010-01-28T17:57:28.227-08:00

Last night I started writing a blog entry regarding the engineer and the fact that I feel emotionally frozen…well that's not true since I feel a lot of things but I haven't been able to communicate them. I just don't know what to say, so I just ignore e-mails, phone calls, texts….well communication in general. In order to escape my thoughts and feelings I've been reading a lot…And last night's

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-6509542429359005192010-01-17T21:47:00.000-08:002010-01-19T21:48:04.825-08:00

Last night was N's little sister's birthday party and boy was it awkward. Most of their family was there and it would seem that all of the cousins got married and procreated and a bunch of kids were running and crawling around everywhere….one of my worst nightmares come true. Okay I can tolerate the marriage thing but did I ever mention that I don't like kids? Well I don't…there is something

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-15637983904642666962010-01-12T06:04:00.000-08:002010-01-18T18:04:48.879-08:00

Okay these past couple of days I've been getting a bit more sleep, meaning that the zombie part of me died but unfortunately I underestimated the power of caffeine. Yesterday I thought I would treat myself to a fabulous intoxicating vanilla latte and to shake things up from a different big chain coffee shop. As heavenly as the vanilla latte was I regret drinking it. Why you may ask if I'm such

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-2260372960855319042010-01-11T20:23:00.000-08:002010-01-19T21:45:41.228-08:00

Tonight I realized that no matter how much time has passed some…well many… childhood issues still haunt me. If there is one person in this world that I truly can't stand its N. It's not her fault really. It has nothing to do with the way she is…okay maybe it does have to do with the way she is…a little. It's just that whenever someone tells me how nice and awesome she is…I want to scream and

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-15992740223308534142010-01-07T19:19:00.001-08:002010-01-07T19:52:21.137-08:00

These past couple of days I've been getting a bit more sleep but still not enough it would seem since today I knocked out. I heard my alarm clock, I got up, got ready, had breakfast, and then I sat down to watch the news before leaving and I knocked out. So today was not as productive as I would have liked but the good news is that the zombie girl in me died….Well in the spirit of the bookworm

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-61751874550831208282010-01-04T22:49:00.001-08:002010-01-04T22:51:49.391-08:00

Once again I had trouble sleeping because my mind tends to run wild especially when everything around me becomes quiet. So last night I was reading Erotic Interludes: Tales Told by Women Edited by Lonnie Barbach and here is something I found interesting:For women, the emotional relationship between two people, the love, trust, familiarity, and caring, account for making real-life sexual

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-69655175640879432052010-01-03T15:07:00.001-08:002010-01-04T22:53:42.885-08:00

Last night was another sleepless night. I stayed up most of the night thinking of how special the engineer made me feel in reality since he would pay attention to everything I said that was important to me, no matter how silly it may have seem. It would seem that my mind can't help but punish me for all the things I that I took for granted. For example, both Alice in Wonderland (the Disney

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-79622009935168399612010-01-02T16:08:00.001-08:002010-01-02T16:08:37.039-08:00

All I have to say is that the whole night I was feeling hot and bothered and didn't know where to turn and hide my blushing face. I went to my friend's party or get together since it was a small gathering of close friends where both of my brothers were. The whole night was good until we started playing Apples to Apples. Well there is nothing wrong with the game, it was really fun. Now what

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-6901561195399528282010-01-02T15:36:00.001-08:002010-01-04T23:23:39.192-08:00

Sometime in December:I have lost the sense of time, so I'm not completely sure what night or morning the following happen:About a month ago I started talking to this guy who claimed to be a master or Dom and he offer his services to properly train me as a slave. Okay I started talking to this guy since lately I have been even more curious about sadomasochism, fetishism, urolagnia, bondage,

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-15378963537429564882009-12-31T10:06:00.001-08:002009-12-31T10:06:46.929-08:00

Last night or better said this morning I couldn't help but laugh when a friend mentioned that he thought I am destine to find someone who would be my world as much as I would be his world, that I deserved to find that special someone because I've had enough bad things happen in love already…okay so basically he was saying that one day I would find love because everything I have been through.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-20861968512524674762009-12-31T01:17:00.001-08:002009-12-31T01:19:26.847-08:00

Okay while I was trying to wrap my brain around the concept of being a sex toy I decided that I want feel that the mystery man is actually real. Maybe not see since I doubt it he will allow it but at least I would like to feel that he is real and not a figment of my imagination. Now I just have to be a good girl to get what I want…now the question is how? Yes I am still sad about what happen

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-85220514402904019142009-12-30T23:56:00.001-08:002010-01-02T16:27:42.721-08:00

Okay it's no secret that I have been an emotional mess these past few days. I am irritated, confused, angry, sad, regretful, frustrated and so much more all at the same time. You may ask how is it possible a person can feel all those things…well to be honest I have no idea…it's a girl thing…the only girl thing I willing admit to being…EMOTIONAL!!!!Fine not the only thing since I'm also sensual,

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-11676607088747916382009-12-27T13:14:00.000-08:002010-01-02T17:25:21.693-08:00

Tonight I went to see Sherlock Holmes, it was a pretty good movie and no I'm writing to give a movie review but to retell something that I found interesting. Before going to see the movie we, my brothers and a couple of friends, were sitting at Starbucks. Yes you can add Starbucks to the list of mainstream things I shamelessly enjoy. Okay so maybe I shouldn't say that I am against things that

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-18966215203131130762009-12-22T17:44:00.000-08:002010-01-04T23:25:59.436-08:00

I took my cat to the vet this morning because she has been scratching her ear a lot lately so I thought she might have ear mites but it turns out that my cat has an ear infection and needs ear drops twice a day.Update: I have been having a hard time with my cat. She usually is very social and approachable…she really does love attention (I couldn't blame her…), now every time she sees me she runs

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-77427854281265277582009-12-16T20:27:00.001-08:002009-12-16T20:27:53.045-08:00

I feel awful for having insecurities that run so deep that they compel me to push people away from me… I feel like I'm one twisted soul for wanting love at a distance. I know I need love and affection but when the opportunity presents itself…I become scared and want to run away… Okay let me be honest with myself for a moment… I have never given love a fair chance… since the only times when I

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-64879020154948316132009-12-11T14:13:00.001-08:002009-12-11T14:13:28.407-08:00

For a while now I've been feel like I have so much to say but I just can't seem to find the right way to express them. Also I have so many questions racing through my mind especially, at night lying in bed but, I'm afraid to ask those questions partly because of the answers they might bring but I'm also afraid they won't be answered at all...

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-44850747759327789742009-11-22T02:44:00.000-08:002009-12-31T02:45:23.679-08:00

I have a confession to make…I am obsessed with the Twilight Saga. This weekend I have gone to see New Moon twice; once with my mother and the other time with my niece. I feel silly and a bit guilty for liking it so much since one of my brothers told me to read the books about a year ago and I was like no, not interested. He finally convinced me to read the first one. I opened read the first

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-56657142715769224512009-10-31T03:01:00.000-07:002009-12-31T03:01:59.296-08:00

My favorite night of the year has come at last…the night when all the ghouls, freaks, and naughty creatures come out to play. It really is a shame that Halloween only happens one night a year. It's not because I love dressing up that I love Halloween or that all the dark twisted freakish things are normal but because people are free to be true be whoever they want…even themselves…isn't it

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-50480581130827702102009-06-26T02:30:00.001-07:002009-06-26T02:30:45.275-07:00

I am truly sick and tired of men thinking they have a right to judge me and even worse to feel disappointed of me because of my behavior or way of thinking. It all started with this feeling that I have with the mystery man…that if he sees me as a sex doll why not play the part of one…just for a mere moment… since right now I can't seem to be able to play with him even though I want to…my

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-67275729300669337202009-06-04T13:54:00.000-07:002009-06-19T13:55:52.295-07:00

Okay for the last few days I’ve been sick with a cold and I find it funny that there are many people who are worried that it might not be just a normal cold and want me to go to the doctor. But for the common cold I say fuck doctors…no offends since I love science and doctors…come on now I use to want to be a doctor until my dad suggested I should become a nurse first in order to pay for med

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-66211493290274660442009-05-18T16:05:00.000-07:002009-06-19T16:06:38.262-07:00

Well I have to say that I am surprised that the mystery man told me why he didn’t talk to me for five months. The reasons were good and acceptable so I felt like a jerk for thinking he was a complete asshole.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-20352174579778605552009-05-13T15:58:00.000-07:002009-07-30T01:18:32.076-07:00

I’m worried because my very talkative and social and lovable and adorable cat is sick. He lost his voice. Last night he came walking into my room moving his mouth (attempting to meow) but no sound would come out. I’m worried because I've read that there are times when a doctor can’t find a reason why a cat might not want to meow. But its my cat were are talking about he meows like there is no

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-2285968891554476762009-05-09T13:37:00.000-07:002009-06-24T17:54:38.573-07:00

So I am once again disappointed by the mystery man…I know it was foolish of me to get my hopes up…but I thought this time it was going to be different because he had agreed to the terms…so it wasn’t my silly girlish expectations. I really had thought that he was going to come through with the birthday gift I had requested…if not or at least that he wouldn’t forget my birthday. I know I know

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-88997790749073122432009-03-10T01:41:00.000-07:002009-07-30T01:26:25.809-07:00

Last night the mystery man called or better said last night I talked to him for the first time in five months. And to tell you the truth I don’t know if I should feel happy about it because of the way he acted. He acted as if no time has passed whatsoever. It would seem like he has no concept of time since he picked up where we left off. He still had the desire to see me on my webcam. He

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-2687763603277328122009-01-25T01:21:00.000-08:002009-06-19T01:22:37.596-07:00

I just woke up from the creepiest dream ever or at least the creepiest in a long time. I dreamed that I was talking to the mystery man. What I found creepy was the fact that my mind was able to replicate his voice was an incredible accuracy. When I heard his voice to my surprise I wasn’t angry at him because he left me but rather I was happy that he came back. I couldn’t help but smile and

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1884956026291049172008-12-20T01:07:00.000-08:002009-06-19T01:10:09.991-07:00

For the last couple of months I have been trying to cope with the fact that my mystery man left me. The last time I talked to him was around early October and at the time I didn’t realized that what I had said was going to be grounds for him leaving me without a reason nor without any closure. He just stopped calling me and of course responding to my messages. I have been having a hard time

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-65746573862954667432008-07-18T00:38:00.001-07:002008-07-18T00:38:56.479-07:00

I have not felt this way in quite some time…I feel like I have to smile and pretend nothing is going on when in reality I feel like dying inside. I want to cry, scream, and ask a million times why…but I know that even if I did all I would hear is silence. The worse part is that I keep hearing everything that my sweet Sam once told me but I didn’t want to believe her…a part of me still doesn’t

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-20656690972361856612008-06-13T13:12:00.001-07:002008-06-13T17:07:25.475-07:00

Last night I did something I would have never imagined. I was bored out of mind and looking for something to read and so I found myself reading the personal on craigslist. What I found shocking and even a bit scary was that I actually considered in answering some of them…especially the ones that asked for a causal meeting in a hotel and asking for a submissive woman… I don't even know if I was

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-567702008302663302008-06-12T21:59:00.001-07:002008-06-12T22:02:23.458-07:00

After cooling down a bit I feel like I over reacted. These past few days I've been upset at mystery lover for not calling when he said he was. It is true that I blow it out of proportion yet I do feel that my feelings did and do have a foundation to them since it is not the first time that it happens. And the reason why it is important to me is because it is a test on how true and honorable is

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-63083807513194406232008-06-08T15:46:00.001-07:002008-06-08T15:46:57.875-07:00

Lately my love life has been filled with one disappointment after another. I know I can't blame anyone but myself for having certain expectations. Call me crazy but to me someone's word means a lot to me, especially when someone's word is all I have to go on. So when someone tells me he/she is going to call on a certain day, I do expect call. I understand that we live in a world full of

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-25160635558439933182008-03-26T23:29:00.001-07:002008-03-27T12:17:30.341-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I went shopping with my niece and it was an eye opening experience. First of all it made realized that she is now a young lady. I'm proud of her since she is not your typical fifteen year old. She is feisty, strong, very intelligent, passionate, opinionated, funny, goofy, clumsy, dorky, emotional, compassionate (more than I could ever be), silly, a book worm, and so much

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-67774135172767969582008-03-25T12:45:00.001-07:002008-03-25T12:46:52.171-07:00

This morning I woke with an unusual burst of energy. I felt like I wanted to conquer the world. It was really nice actually. The only thing that bothers me was that I felt that my mind was racing since I kept thinking of all the things I have to do or want to do. For example, I started thinking of the research paper I still to write, of the books I want to read, of getting a head start on the

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-29261090451288921962008-03-21T23:59:00.001-07:002010-05-26T13:23:23.630-07:00

Tonight something unexpected happened. Let me start off with stating the problem I have been having for quite some time now. Because I have noticed I have been an emotional rollercoaster for the past few months and I have attribute my state with the frustrations I've been having with my mystery lover. In reality it has to do with what I feel and my expectations and the stress I've been under.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-90234423253690969272008-03-21T16:39:00.001-07:002008-03-21T16:39:28.852-07:00

Today I witness something that I found odd yet completely normal because of the frequency that it happens.I was at my local big chain coffee shop enjoying my intoxicating vanilla latte and studying for my finals and looked up and saw an older man creepy in appearance. He caught my attention since he seemed to be looking for someone. After a few moments of scanning the room he left in a hurry.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-91322381482549213092008-02-29T21:51:00.000-08:002008-03-02T21:53:13.991-08:00

Lately I’ve been tearing up every time I realize that my mystery lover isn’t who I want him to be. At this point I’m not sure if I’m doing everything wrong and thus pushing him away or he really is that dismissive when it comes to my feelings. Two weeks ago for the first I was truly disappointed in my mystery lover since all I needed was a shoulder to cry on and someone to tell me its okay to

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-55025434615794456772008-02-03T21:48:00.000-08:002008-03-02T21:51:39.114-08:00

I have been feeling very frustrated and stressed these past few weeks. Stressed over school and that haunting question of what’s next. I know I am ready for the next stage of my life but it is scary to think I’m going to end up like my brothers. Even though I love them and they are part of my life thus they have influenced who I am as a person, right now I don’t know if that is a good thing or

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-46704623817511940872008-01-12T16:14:00.001-08:002008-01-12T16:14:42.427-08:00

I haven’t written in a while since I’ve been afraid to express my feelings due to the fact I am afraid of what those feeling might actually be. The truth of matter is that my heart is sad and my soul has been crying for the last few weeks. I don’t know how to express that sadness that I feel since I believe it doesn’t matter to the people closest to my heart excluding family. My darling friend

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-36789566294207177972007-12-21T13:02:00.001-08:002007-12-21T13:02:22.376-08:00

These past few days I've been scared of losing someone for being myself. I feel like if I step a toe out of line it will be reason enough for him to leave and that is why I am afraid of being myself. I am silly, dorky, wild, loud, a bit naughty, playful, weird among other things but especially feisty and stubborn. I don't like to follow orders, if you tell me to go right, I will go left for

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-38861914403598348792007-12-19T15:37:00.001-08:002007-12-19T15:37:28.131-08:00

Lately I've been feeling very emotional but then again when don't I feel emotional in some way. I don't know I feel sad since I feel I'm just a doll my mystery lover plays with when he wishes and the rest of the time I'm left waiting to hear something, at least a hello. Yet I feel if I continue to act as I have been I'm going to lose him since recently every time he calls I'm an emotional mess.

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-81027071758670725072007-12-08T02:01:00.000-08:002007-12-16T14:03:09.792-08:00

I have no idea what to do since I fail to understand my relationship with my mystery lover. What I mean is that I’m not truly happy with how things are but the moment I start thinking about ending whatever relationship we have, I start feeling sad and feel that is not the right thing to do. But then again, I feel like I’m craving attention and affection which I do get from my mystery lover to

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-28068100735027249632007-10-08T12:07:00.000-07:002007-11-07T12:08:13.341-08:00

On Sunday morning, the creature of the night, called me and I couldn’t believe the nerve of him, he actually attempted to make me feel ugly. The reason he called was to talk about his current girlfriend and that he is starting to feel unhappy in that relationship and because of that he continues to think about the girl from Japan who he is somewhat in love with. Yet his fears that have been

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-78890513117939577222007-09-04T12:01:00.000-07:002007-11-07T12:04:06.671-08:00

I have no idea what to think since I just checked my phone and I saw that I had two missed calls from no other than the creature of the night. And to tell you the truth I don’t know what to make of it since I’m nervous just thinking about him. It’s almost like I still had feelings for him and that I’m hoping that he would actually consider being with me, as a couple, which is a scary thought on

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-57121838754658653752007-08-21T11:56:00.000-07:002007-11-07T11:58:27.560-08:00

Don’t ask me why but lately I’ve been in a weird kind of mood, it’s almost like I want to seek attention from men at any cost. Part of me knows that it’s because I was rejected by the guy from LA, but what I can’t see is the reasons why I feel this way. The main reason why I can’t seem to understand my feelings is that I didn’t love the from LA, I only lusted after him. Additionally, I didn’t

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-49452225707489740842007-05-25T01:00:00.000-07:002007-05-25T01:06:28.340-07:00

First of all I haven’t written anything in a while, I guess it’s because I haven’t had much to write about or I’ve just felt emotionally drain these past few weeks. When I got back from El Salvador, I came back with a girly attitude which I personally feel its odd yet most people that know me think other wise they have always thought of me being a bit girly. I guess I don’t like to admit that I

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-62244708446673168762007-04-12T00:30:00.000-07:002007-05-25T00:32:17.944-07:00

April 12, 2007I don’t know what’s wrong with me since I feel a bit sad knowing that the vampire has a new girlfriend and that he is living with her. In other words he is doing well and is happy since in his world things are fabulous if he has a girlfriend, a job, and a place to live. In my world things are different since having those things doesn’t mean happiness. Sure those things are nice

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-42004891677206051332007-03-07T03:13:00.000-08:002007-03-30T03:18:53.258-07:00

Well what can I tell you just that I made a big mistake of ever coming here to El Salvador since now I can’t seem to be able to leave. The whole family gives off a sense of guilt trip that it’s too much for me to handle right now since I have no one to talk to. I’ve been feeling emotional and basically overwhelmed with everything I encounter in this country. The double standards, the criticism

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-54774208027329625972007-03-05T03:11:00.000-08:002007-03-30T03:12:58.240-07:00

Now more than ever I want to go home and never look back. Sure its nice being here in a sense because I get to disconnect myself from reality. To a certain degree I don’t miss having to answer random calls in the middle of the night, having to worry about my future, school, and/or having a romantic partner. It has actually been nice not having to worry about many things. But at the same time

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-85899049267083529212007-03-02T15:26:00.000-08:002007-03-30T03:23:25.329-07:00

I feel like I’m dammed if I do and dammed if I don’t…When I was a little girl I remember loving mi tia Maricela so much because I thought of her as being the sweetest person ever. Additionally, I felt like she truly believed in me and was one of the first to see real potential in me to be great. But now I feel like she is too religious for my likely. Its almost as if I were to express my true

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-85122955580089786522007-02-21T14:16:00.000-08:002007-03-08T14:17:50.102-08:00

The strangest thing just happened. I was taking pictures at the mall called La Grande Villa, in El Salvador. I was taking pictures of an expedition of art, similar to the one they have in New York and San Francisco of the colorful hearts, although the only difference is that they are balls rather than hearts. But the point being that the oddest thing happened while I was taking pictures of the

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-9731907058138654072007-02-20T13:30:00.000-08:002007-03-08T13:31:53.837-08:00

I’m going out of my mind. I can’t stand it any longer. I hate being here in El Salvador. I hate the people who are too preppy for my liking since they are too superficial, vain, shallow, money hungry, and hypocritical. You can tell a mile away that the majority of people here are just like my brother, in that they think that material items are what define a person rather than their

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-16543772590835794492007-02-18T13:27:00.000-08:002007-03-08T13:29:01.823-08:00

I have no idea what I’m going to do since my brother decided to extend his trip. He has been driving me crazy since he is acting way too preppy, superficial, vain, shallow, and empty. What do I mean by empty? Well first of all it was as if he didn’t have any original thought in his brain, as if he were a thoughtless creature that lived his life by what others said.By my brother extending his

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-36978691888758288772007-02-16T13:08:00.000-08:002007-03-30T03:24:41.524-07:00

Well it’s only been two days since I’ve been here in El Salvador but I’m already regretting ever coming here since there is nothing to do, no one to talk, in other words I feel so lonely and sad to some degree. Basically I feel like a beautiful caged bird wishing she could fly away and go back home, where she is free to do whatever her heart desires. I’m very bored of my brother, mainly because

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-73694932710298354612007-02-14T12:58:00.000-08:002007-03-08T13:01:42.291-08:00

Well today is my first time being back in El Salvador since the year 2000. It is weird being back since everything is so different from home, the people, the weather, the atmosphere, the language but mainly my freedoms since I really can’t do whatever I please due to the double standards that surround me all the time. But enough about my sad sob story about being homesick already, moving on to

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-73720803811723255912007-01-23T19:27:00.000-08:002007-01-26T00:12:19.122-08:00

These past couple weeks have been full of excitement, confusion, pleasure, but most of all lessons in life. I have learned and grown as a person so much through out these past couple of weeks and months.Two very interesting and quite different people have touched my life in ways that I would have never imagined.One has taught me that I am a wonderful, amazing person who just needs to believe in

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-71839180274310183702007-01-17T00:26:00.000-08:002008-06-08T16:52:18.073-07:00

Okay let’s see where do I start since I haven’t written or been honest to myself in a while. I guess I shall start from the beginning and then weave in and out of reality and my delusions. About a month ago I received a called from a guy who I had no idea who he was yet because I felt he needed someone to talk to I stayed on the phone with him. I think that may have been one of my biggest

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-12774210317894239742007-01-10T04:17:00.001-08:002007-01-10T04:17:55.322-08:00

I find it funny in a way that boredom can lead me to do some pretty crazy yet stupid things that at times are rather pointless. Nevertheless, there are times when those situations I experience due to boredom mainly leave with a sense of who I truly am and how I really shouldn’t be bored with what I have since in reality it’s not so bad after all. Well now it is time to move on and learn from

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-52618631321133315152006-12-07T18:51:00.000-08:002006-12-09T16:07:59.591-08:00

Last night was an interesting night since the gothic artist told me that he loves me. In a lot of ways the relationship I have with him reminds me of the one I had with the poet because of the intensity of it. What do I mean? Well first of all, the gothic artist has fallen for me within days just like the poet did. To a certain degree it is scary since that would imply that I like

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-2521422106674822722006-11-20T02:25:00.000-08:002006-11-20T02:27:41.719-08:00

I don’t know what to think about a certain someone, my teenage dream guy. On Saturday, it would seem that he was the focus of my conversation with a friend. She knows him very well and cares for him as friend and the same is true as regards to me, that is, she knows me fairly well and cares for me as friend. Well, she happened to mention that he was a great guy, sweet, kind, loving, caring,

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-28692260789623204242006-11-13T20:16:00.001-08:002006-11-13T20:26:24.384-08:00

Last night was an interesting night since I took what a friend said the wrong way. I know she didn’t mean it the way I took it but because I’ve been stressed lately I wasn’t able to see what she was getting at. Last night I was talking to a friend about the dreams I’ve been having lately and how I think the dreams reflect my fear of failure since my dreams have been about failing school and

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1162878354320364622006-11-06T21:45:00.000-08:002006-11-13T09:50:53.511-08:00

Even though, my first love hasn’t responded to my e-mail where I asked him if he had wrote the poem, I have found the poem in other places, thus, realizing that my first love might have not written the poem. Yet I can’t let that take any value away from the poem since the important thing is how it made me feel at the moment that I received it. Additionally, it still to this day is special since

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1162527208806985462006-11-02T20:12:00.000-08:002006-11-13T10:21:12.422-08:00

Tonight while I was surfing the curious world of myspace I found a blog that was basically a poem that caught my attention. Mostly it has to do with the poem being a poem that I gave the poet. In all honesty I’m not a poet, I can feel love and all its emotions but I can’t express them in words and in pose. I’m the kind of person who shows it through little gestures and details rather than

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1161161018922295162006-10-18T01:41:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:53.314-08:00

Tonight while I was talking to a friend I realized that I’m repressing my own views on a certain subject mainly because I get the vibe that my views are not going to be accepted with open arms. Usually I would be glad that someone disagrees with me since it stimulates different perspectives of the world which is always a good thing. I’ve always welcome different perspectives because they show

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1160546514109497762006-10-09T22:30:00.000-07:002009-06-25T13:13:05.354-07:00

Happened today, I was the one who actually said and believed what a friend has been drilling in my head for the past few months, which is a very Zen like mentally, “no se preocupe, nada esta pasado…” which basically means, don’t worry since nothing is happening. At first when my friend would say that to me I thought, wow, this woman has to be crazy….what does she mean nothing is happening when

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1158924995076450312006-09-22T04:31:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:53.035-08:00

Today I stepped on a nail, so I can say that I had my shoe nailed to my foot for once. In a weird way my dad would have been happy since he is always complaining how I go around barefooted around the house. I hate to admit this but after crying but still being in shock the first person to cross my mind was the poet. I wanted to call him and have him tell me that everything was going to be okay

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1158925489036558792006-09-13T01:43:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:53.135-08:00

Tonight I've been thinking of relationships and how they affect our state of mind and emotion. It would almost seem that people who have crossed my path are desperate to be in a relationship since they are happy when they are involved with someone. Okay, so I'm one of those people too. But, lately I’ve realized that I don't need someone to make me happy, to make feel good about myself, to make my

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1158203697652052332006-09-12T23:55:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:52.943-08:00

I swear can this day get any worse…I came home late at night from having coffee with my friends…I would say it was a really good night that is until I did checked my phone before going bed…and I noticed I had a voicemail…I thought no biggie, most likely it is the usual message from my brother checking up on me…surprise, surprise it wasn’t…it my ex saying that he was curious how I was. I found it

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1157278363034584952006-09-03T03:08:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:52.706-08:00

Well tonight was my night out even though I’m sick…yes I get too bored if I stay home over 24hrs…besides I thought it would do me some good to spend time with my friends so I won’t continued with my random thinking…Instead I think it got worse since I told them what I’ve been doing which is mentally bad mouthing my ex and I expressed that I don’t know if I doing it to convince myself that I no

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1157188987086909622006-09-02T01:50:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:52.567-08:00

Okay tonight I received an e-mail that has me a bit scared...we've been friends since as long as i rememberfrom the month, and the days and the weekswhen i met yu online and this friendship of ours we finally reached its peaki don't know what happened but i feel something for uand I'm not sure if u feel these feelings for me, toobut every time i think about u the short time we had the day we

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1157164399804260692006-09-01T19:33:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:52.470-08:00

For the first time I understand my first love…I’ve always wonder how was he capable of saying all those awful things about me when he once he had refer to me as his princess, his love, his honey bunny…but today it dawned on me that I’m doing the same thing…not with him but it is still the same thing. I don’t know why I’m angry since there is no real reason to feel as bitter as I do. I don’t

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1156930953212786992006-08-30T02:03:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:52.363-08:00

Tonight was an interesting night to say the least since it made me realize that my friends are more like me than I had thought since they have doubts, insecurities, they are not completely happy with their relationship with their boyfriends all the time, and most of all they long for romance…One thing that has been bugging more than it should is that I still can’t believe I basically begged the

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1155712627625744982006-08-16T00:16:00.000-07:002007-05-29T11:35:56.104-07:00

Relationship with the philosopher ended on a semi sour note which lead me to seek male attention from whomever and in the process bumped into my old pal Ruben who was so kind to tell me that once upon a time he was in love with me…yeah didn’t feel so well to be told that he did care but because I would always put him second because at the time I was in love with a guy from Canada who to this day

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1154338312170476192006-07-31T02:31:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:49.144-08:00

Came true...I just found out that one of my so called friends...did exactly what I believe a friend should never do....she took my life into her hands and did with it what she thought was fit...she edited my story...I want to scream and yell at her but because I don't think she is worth it I'm biting my tongue....I can't believe that someone would have the nerve to e-mail an ex of mine just

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-19253346776892243012006-07-16T15:12:00.000-07:002006-11-25T03:14:02.687-08:00

Last night I totally shocked me and don't know how to take everything that I was told. All this time I've been thinking or I have felt like there is something seriously wrong with me, for not being 100% comfortable being myself and being ashamed of expressing my sexual side...That I was the most horrible person in the world for lying to people who I care about, even love...that I'm the broken

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-79876769025270668822006-06-30T01:07:00.000-07:002006-11-25T03:08:04.714-08:00

For some strange reason a simple smile made my day today...it helped reinforce how beautiful I am but most of all how beautiful being a woman truly is...lesson for today: a smile really does brightens up someone's day...especially mine

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1151393386337262742006-06-27T00:11:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:48.825-08:00

Tonight I realized where do I get my insecurities from, a lot has to do with society and of course my environment...but I didn't realized that my mother suffers from the same insecurities about the way she looks. I found it astonishing that I caught her looking in the mirror and pointing out what she thought were flaws and weighing herself constantly. I found this behavior odd since I've always

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1151150776752270912006-06-24T05:04:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:48.765-08:00

Even though I'm having less trouble sleeping I'm having more trouble actually getting to sleep...I've been trying to keep myself busy so I won't think too much about thing, I'm trying my best not to over analyze things in my life...instead I've been going out for coffee with friends and just going out and having somewhat of a good time...but what I find funny to a degree is that whenever I go

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1150700837314169492006-06-18T23:39:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:48.689-08:00

A couple of nights ago I had left my journal on the table, sure that no one was going to actually read it. But in the wee around of the morning my mother comes in my room and hands me my journal telling me that I had left on the table. At first I didn't think anything of it, but then I noticed that she looked teary eyed...which made me wonder if she had read my journal...but again I didn't

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1150294001889197492006-06-14T07:06:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:48.503-08:00

Last night was the first time I slept in my room in two weeks and it felt good actually. Sure I'm still having trouble sleeping but rather than fight it, I'm starting to accept it. Everything in my room still reminds me of someone but I'm not afraid of those feelings anymore...if i cry, i cry, and am aware that in the end crying is going to make me feel betterI'm still feeling sad, blue,

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1150265534134089632006-05-20T23:10:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:48.355-08:00

Sometime in MAY:Today has been a weird day since I've been thinking a lot about the past...Discussing a case study with my abnormal psych professor brought back a lot of feelings and a lot of questions....My professor told me that one of his patients felt resentment towards her mother because she should have known that she was being sexually molested, that the mother should have done something to

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29685936.post-1155714547326134202006-05-16T07:47:00.000-07:002006-11-13T09:50:51.562-08:00

OMG!!!Today I found that to of my ex-bfs have recently got married...to tell the truth the news knocked the wind out of me since I have never really given marriage any kind of realistic thought...sure when I was a little girl I wanted to get married with the boy I had crush on then but ever since then it never really crossed my mind as real possibility. To think that these guys went out with

belleviolettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14185476259968459876noreply@blogger.com