It's been a while since I felt the need to write, lately I have felt that whatever I am feeling and living right now is too personal and private to write about. It feels strange to say that since when it comes to my feelings I'm an open book.
Everything that is happening in my family life and my so-called love life have me thinking that men are truly awful and somewhat worthless….and basically weak and pitiful cowards...at first sight of trouble, they run.
Okay so I have been a bit stressed out and overwhelmed lately….and what has me even more upset is the fact that my brothers act as if things don't concern them…the middle one said that he is going disassociate himself from the family since the issues that the family is going through don't concern him at all and in fact the stress of those issues are making him old….and the eldest acts as if nothing is going on, if we ignore the problems they will go away….so everything is left up to me…. So I get to be the strong responsible one, the realistic one, the problem-solver and the 20somthing going on 50something (since I don't think 70 would work right now)…which is fine really I have no problem being those things…what irks me is how my brothers have handle the situation.
And on top of that the mystery man disappeared….okay so there is a story behind that but I don't really want to get it to it too much….basically I've been frustrated for some time now about the frequency of his calls and the subject of those calls. I tried to express my displeasure but my cries for attention and affection were met by silence.
Needless to say that the stress and frustrations in my life have me in a hyper-sensitive state where every little thing makes me cry and melancholy….the melancholy part has me longing for love and most of all emotional support. And there are times when I can't help but think of the engineer and of the poet. I think of them both because they were very similar since they were supportive, understanding, encouraging, loving, protective, affectionate, caring….and I miss that….I feel like need that…well I need a hug at least and someone to tell me everything is going to be alright…even if it's a lie…I need to hear that there is HOPE…
