Today was a bad day. My eldest brother keeps pointing out things that have to be done around the house but he just sits there and does nothing…well that's not true…he just makes a bigger mess of things. So I'm left to clean up the mess and feeling like I have slipped into a time warp and landed in a time where women have neither value nor rights. My frustration with my dad and my brothers is so great that I find myself lashing out every few days and I feel like my dad is walking on egg shells around me…it's like oh let's not get the crazy uptight person upset or else she is going be bitching about something….yes I'm the emotionally unbalance person…it would seem.
Aside from becoming a psycho bitch (yes when I am frustrated, upset, and angry I tend to curse and when I do curse I feel it to be out of character) I've noticed that I'm going through what I call my Victorian phase because I feel uptight, conservative, old-fashion, and prudish and appalled by anything sexual. I really hope it's just a phase.
Another thing that I've noticed is that haven't allowed myself to feel too sad about the engineer mainly because I don't want to admit that I miss him, that I feel hurt, that I loved him to a degree, and so on.
Hopefully my emotions will settle sometime soon and hopefully I won't end up throwing something at my brother...although it would make feel better…
