Last night I was feeling so lonely that I wanted to cry because I didn't realized how truly lonely, disconnected, and isolated I have become. So when my brother asked me if I wanted to go to our friend's birthday party at a club I said, sure why not. Another reason why I said I would go is because I have been feeling like I need a drink or better said I imagine that I have been feeling like someone who needs a drink to take the edge off... Okay being the semi goody two shoes that I am I didn't have my first drink until I was 21 and even now I only drink maybe once every couple years. It's just like sex for me…I only do it when I really need to….once in a blue moon...I know how sad but it's true.
Okay back to the point, I went into the club and went straight to the bar to order a drink in hopes that I would magically turn into someone who likes to socialize, rub against strangers, and act stupid and reckless. But no, it only made me more aware of the fact that I'm not cool, hip, and basically normal. Okay maybe I am normal but I just don't dig clubs, extremely loud music (or so called music), people violating my personal space (yes, I love my bubble/space…so back off!!!), people acting like the only thing that is important is hooking up...yes, it would seem that sex rules human beings... I'm appalled by how people, mostly guys, seem to go around the place thinking and saying to their friends…fuckable, not fuckable but if I get wasted enough she'll/he'll do fine, and no fucking way…but I have to admit there are girls who do this too (a few, okay more than a few of my girl friends). It's totally disgusting.
Yes I know it's official I'm a 20something going on 70. I just hope that when I do turn 70 I'm not a bitter, old, hag.
