12/20/08

For the last couple of months I have been trying to cope with the fact that my mystery man left me. The last time I talked to him was around early October and at the time I didn’t realized that what I had said was going to be grounds for him leaving me without a reason nor without any closure. He just stopped calling me and of course responding to my messages. I have been having a hard time adjusting to the thought of him not being around. I know its weird since he isn’t around that much to begin with but it is always nice to hear from him. But lately I have had countless sleepless nights and nights where I cry myself to sleep. And during the day everything even if it may be meaningless it reminds me of him. And in some odd way I find myself being more obedient to his wishes now that he has left me. I don’t know if its my way of impressing him and have him come to me. Okay I just realized how wrong that sounds since I have never wanted someone to come back to me. But anyways…that’s another issue... Even though I want him back in my life I don’t know what I would gain from it since its been a while since I have been truly happy with him…but then again I have never been as happy with anyone else in a long while either.

The truth of the matter is that I dearly miss my mystery man and I know there is nothing I could do to get him back. Even if its over I am grateful for the time I did spend with him because it made me realize what I want in a guy. I want someone who has an inner confidence, strength, fire, passion, drive, intelligence, control, respect, open mind, sexual deviance, sexuality, sensuality…equal or greater than mine…which is saying a lot.